1. |
wish
03:29
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I wish I had a home but I don’t
I wish I felt okay but I won’t
I wish life stayed in place but it don’t
wish my dad said he’s proud but he won’t
Wish I always kept my cool but I don’t
I wish people listened but they won’t
Wish I had health insurance but I don’t
Wish I always felt fulfilled but I won’t
I wish I had a home but I don’t
I wish I’d act my age but I won’t
wish I had a sense of calm but I don’t
wish my hair would stop balding but it won’t
I wish I had control but I don’t
I wish my body worked but it won’t
I wish I had more time but I don’t
I wish the world ended but it won’t
Wishing I was someone else, but it takes up too much time
And I know I’m not alone but it still doesn’t make it fine
And I wish that we could all just be exactly what we want
but I know that that’s impossible you need to settle sometime
Because not everyone can be a winner
And not everyone can survive this winter
I killed too many brain cells and I’m thinking like a fish
and I feel I’m slowly drowning as I’m drying in this shit
And I keep comparing my life to all the perfect ones I see
but I’m lazy and dysfunctional and I can never be
Because not everyone can be a winner
And not everyone can survive this winter
I wish I had a home but I could never stay still
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2. |
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the days are getting colder but I’m melting like the snow
That piles on the house as if it’s gonna take control
I guess that it does anyways winter makes me so depressed
But when the summer comes back I’m still feeling like a mess
and I get into my car because I’ve gotta go work more and I need more cash
And these dark days have me saving up like it’s the apocalypse
I need enough so I can escape I always am looking for a way out
But I feel so trapped in this fucking race I never wanted to be a part of it
And
I bought a milkshake and cried
I’m not really sure why
I ordered a side of fries
I think I wanted to die
And at HEB I stared into the aisle like a horror movie
Contemplating suicide as I picked up my broccoli
Am I normal? is this normal? Just gotta act like I’m fine
But when I’m overwhelmed in the grocery store I think I’d rather die
I feel bad these days for most of the week
Saw a friend of mine and I could barely speak
I’m sick, I’m stunted, I make bad decisions
There’s people who care but I’m never with them
I isolate myself but I don’t know how to do anything else, I guess it’s how I was raised
Sitting all alone in all my younger days
And now it’s still the same
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3. |
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everyday feels longer than the last
Everyday I don’t want to look back
everyday is a fever dream, everyday is belittling
Everyday we don’t say anything
Anything that’s real
Anything that’s real
Anything that’s real
Nothing feels real
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4. |
laughing stock
03:10
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My shoulders feel too heavy now
it’s gotten too loud inside
I’ve got this weight holding me down
There’s too many things to analyze
I didn’t mean to burn a bridge
It’s not something I ever did before
but now I can’t stop doing it
And it’s not how I want to live
Going to bars out on my own
Talking to strangers on my phone
research chemicals and internet dates
But it’s all empty and I feel fake
Nothing looks good anymore
I can’t remember the last time I actually had fun
I barely let out a laugh these days
but people used to say I had a good one
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5. |
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thinking of the changing leaves in new hampshire
the pink house my parents painted when I was a kid
the old house on the hill, it always made me scared
but despite the nightmares I was safe there
but it's not my home now, I can't go back there
and whenever I visit it's not the same in new hampshire
waiting for the bus to berlin from zagreb
gonna spend a couple weeks with these new friends of mine
can't wait to eat falafel and drink club matte
I wasn't there long but the city makes me feel alive
but my visa's almost up, I gotta leave soon
and besides i'm sure that things can't always be this good
thinking about Emilie
she always meant a lot to me
her loud laugh and big heart
maybe I gotta go to palm springs soon
i just wanna cut through all the bullshit
i wanna know all your secrets and your deepest fears
how many more people can I fit into my small heart
until i finally don't feel so alone
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6. |
soul sisters
03:40
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laying next to you like a childhood friend
i wanna stay here for eternity
feeling safe now
we talk about everything, I wanna know all of your secrets
everything there is to know
walking with the two of you
i feel like the baddest bitch in this town
like we could do anything
because we can and
staying up past the sun
because we don't give a fuck about anything
at least right now
we might live in different countries thousands of miles apart
but i think about you all the time and it makes me smile
drinking beers in the park
going crazy in the bathroom stall
so many fucked up funny moments all the time
listening to darkwave bands, laughing about everything
popping pills like they're medicine
because they are yeah
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7. |
absolute bliss
03:01
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I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I guess I’m stubborn
Yeah
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I’m like a child
Well I’ve been called that before
Yeah I’m a child
Who always wants more
But I’m getting older now
And I gotta settle for something
Cause if you don’t settle for something
You end up with nothing
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
But it’s impossible to live like this
I feel so whole when I’m stumbling around through a dark club
And I feel so whole when I’m tied up in your room cause there is nothing else now
I feel so whole when I’m stumbling around through a dark club
And I feel so whole when I’m falling in love again falling in love again
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
I only am content in absolute bliss
I don’t wanna settle for anything less
i guess I’m stubborn
Yeah
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8. |
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and there is never any point in anything we believe in
that doesn't make it any easier every time that i'm leaving
and i wish that i could pause time and do everything that i need
and i wish that everything could somehow stay the same
always
always
through everything
everything
i've got too many stupid pipe dreams that i can't stop believing
i'm always thinking way too much, not feeling enough
shifting highways all the time going through roads to nowhere
i lost my map so long ago but i guess i'll get to somewhere
i miss so many people and there are so many more i'd like to meet
i never feel content but i guess i will never be
always
always
i've got too many stupid pipe dreams that i can't stop believing
i'm always thinking way too much, not feeling enough
thinking too much
not feeling enough
thinking too much
not feeling enough
always
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9. |
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I’m shopping on the dream market
While you’re shopping at ikea
I’m living out of my backpack
while you’re living in a high end flat
I’m working on not crying
While you’re working on your masters
Sometimes I think I’m dying
But you’ve got some good health coverage
Well my life is a little bit crazy
My life is a little bit crazy
But that’s okay
I’m shopping on the dream market
While you’re shopping for a brand new car
I’m making more stupid songs
And you’re making a dissertation
I’m playing a basement show
You’ve got a new job at a company
I’m hitch hiking all summer
You’re thinking of starting a family
Well my life is a little bit crazy
My life is a little bit crazy
But that’s okay
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10. |
planning out my death
04:32
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In October I was planning out my death
But now I feel better
now I feel better
In October I was planning out my death
But now I feel better
And I hope it lasts
In October I was planning out my death
But now I feel better
now I feel better
In October I was planning out my death
But now I feel better
now I feel better
There’s so many things
That I want to do
I don’t want to give up
I hope I can make it through
Again
In October I was planning out my death
But now I feel better
now I feel better
Etc
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bunny love New Hampshire
home recordings by a person that gets bummed out a lot and moves around a lot
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