well i guess i'm a young adult. and "young adult" is right. because i look a little bit older. but feel fucking immature. i'm just drifting around. wasting my brain power. i'll probably fall back asleep in another half an hour. well i got good grades in grade school. this made me feel accomplished. and i'd play video games and be satisfied when i beat them. but now i don't know how to measure success inside or if i'm driving well on this fucked up crazy ride. well i'm working a couple jobs now. i feel okay when i get paid. but i still feel hollow at the end of the day. they told me follow your dreams you can be anything. a doctor or a scientist or a pediatrician. but i don't know what i wanna be or even my beliefs. i guess i gotta cling to something and see where it takes me. i can travel other countries, try to help out the world. or be a social worker, help out orphaned boys and girls. i can be a hedonist and do lots of drugs. or work a desk job fixing computer bugs. i can pursue money, try my best to be rich. or try to start a family and be a monogamist. i can pursue money, try to get a good career. or i can pursue freedom do whatever i feel. i just want to be happy and do what i want, but nothing makes me happy and i don't know what i want. sometimes i really wish i was just one of those kids. who has their life planned out. don't live with too much doubt. find a path and keep burning bright, just be content and keep living life. but i could never be like this. my life's one big existential crisis. one day i see the human race and i'm glad to be alive. and the next i wanna separate myself, go far away and hide. one moment i want to leave everything, travel all around the land. and the next i wanna get a place to live with all of my friends. one moment i have faith, and feel spiritual. and the next i feel bleak because i know i'm gonna rot in a hole. and then i try to tell myself that i'm just being dramatic. but then i start to think that i actually have some kind of problem. one moment i will be content and proud of my life and the next i feel depressed staring at the big knife in the dish room as i wash the dishes contemplating my life. and someone will ask "how you doing today" and i'll tell them that "i'm doing okay" but what else am i gonna say? that this pit in my stomach is starting to get way too big and i'm starting to believe that i don't know how to live? but i really am okay because my body's working fine and i still am capable of utilizing my mind. i have some awesome friends, and a couple decent jobs. so why do i feel like i'm gonna throw up? well i just wanna be happy and do what i want. but nothing makes me happy and i don't know what i want.

everything feels kind of like a missed opportunity and i'll try to get myself up but i'm weighed down so much and everyone will always do so much better than me at everything everything that i used to like now just feels like i'm asleep and i'll try to get myself up but i am immune to your touch and everyone will always be so much better than me at everything and everyday's a lifetime but there's so much time i waste and i try to swallow my pride but it's written on my face and i get so fucking jealous but it's pointless and childish and when i wake up so lightheaded i wonder just how much time is left another pity party for me everything feels kind of like a missed opportunity

i'm dandy i'm dandy i'm fine and dandy dandelying follow me through this empty lot a lot of it is dirty but a lot of it is not i swear but now i forgot i write my name down and burn it on the spot i wear my hair so messily and golden bones sprout out of me but i'm just a weed, a contagious disease i don't comprehend why they all talk to me i'm dandy so dandy i'm fine and dandy dandeyling i grip my teeth, i grab my sleeves the radio ladys on to me she knows i hide my gold bones underneath the dandelion patch because i'm so dandy i'm so fine and dandy dandeylying my body is covered in honey i can't see the honeybees clmbing in and out of me my eyes are covered in dandelion leaves i'm drooling, feeling it my head goes dark and let's me sit on a rock that reminds me i gotta reach out to my family to say i'm dandy.... i split my lip and my blood tastes just like candy i'm dandy...