it's summer in new england and i feel like i'm winning walking around with a dumb grin laughing and scoffing at everything it's summer in new england i'm travelin round getting paid to sing i made a ton in provincetown but portland had me struggling it's summer in new england and i keep doing lines with my friends in a minute i won't feel anything in a minute i won't be listening it's summer in new england and my friend has been drinking she don't do much else of anything she can slam them down like it's nothing it's summer in new england and i am worried about nothing sleeping in my car when the sun hits filling my head with dreaming it's summer in new england and i don't really want it to end i don't want to leave my friends but i know i've got to get out again it's summer in new england and my friend lost control of her head she thinks people are after her she ended up in a mental home it's summer in new england and my ex girlfriend od'd on heroin i thought that she was smarter but her thoughts overwhelm her head

i'm feelin feelin feelin like a sociopath i'm feelin feelin feelin lik e a sociopath because my empathy has atrophied tonight i'm starin at their faces but can't reach the destinations that a competent heart can always find i'm feelin feelin feelin like a sick fuck i'm feelin feelin feelin like a sick fuck i want to be beaten and tied up i'm a slave to my brain and i'm addicted to the pain I know I know I know it never stops i'm feelin feelin feelin like a sociopath i'm feelin feelin feelin like a sociopath because my empathy has atrophied tonight i feel so disconnected and sometimes i feel rejected trying to take control of this mind

sometimes it's hard to breathe sometimes it's hard to see the truth of anything sometimes it's hard to feel good about your life sometimes it's hard to feel good about your life sometimes it's hard to feel sometimes it's hard to understand what is real sometimes it's hard to feel good about your life sometimes it's hard to feel good about your life i am fading away i am wasting away etc

I screamed out today buried under the weight of everything I went back to bed tried to work on the album but a stranger was screaming in my head nothing is enough for me nothing is enough for me I could never get enough attention I am addicted to the feeling but I am usually alone feeling estranged from everybody that I know nothing is enough for me nothing is enough for me

it intriqued me how you'd sit alone and talk to yourself separate from everyone else you were only twelve but I could sense that you'd already gone through hell I only worked with you for a few days there wasn't much I could do but I wish that things could be better for you I wonder what goes on in your brain it seemed to me like you had a lot of pain beneath the surface you might have hated yourself felt alienated from everyone else but please know you didn't deserve this you started crying in the middle of class I asked you what was wrong you said everyone hated you. I hope it's not true. there was obviously something wrong in your life you had to live it as your own you told me you never wanted to go home

waking up in an empty room I tell myself I'll change it soon I've got some things I need to do but I'll never accomplish them I'm not the best at anything I am not reaching all my dreams in a world of seven billion what's the point of living I'm losing my grip I'm feeling worthless squandered potential been here 25 years I thought by now I'd be effecting people's lives or something be someone important but I haven't done much it's impressive just to leave bed I'm amazed when I actually do something productive her dilated pupils stared into my soul i was 17 in a blacklight room with no control she told me about her life she said she felt like squandered potential my friend she tried to kill herself a couple weeks ago she used to paint and draw, she was one of the best artists I knew but she got weighed down and lost control of herself she didn't have a safety net or help from anyone else I don't know how she feels but I pretend that I do she probably wants a different life and I think I do too squandered potential...

your strong legs cinderella hair your thick smile chuckling into the air your wide curves water waves solid and toned deep dimples on your face I got donuts you got ice cream we'd walk all day you were gluten free we'd ride aimlessly or we'd be lazy i hope you realize that i'm crazy I think of you when I see a Jeep I sleep with your art print next to me I hope you know that I'm a creep I sleep with some hope inside of me (LUNAGRAM) I whipped into your plaid sheets with bad speech holding open the past week passive aggressively smoking cigs in your backseat speaking expressively when you asked me... if I can stay another week if I can stay another week I took a minute to speak the words were muddied and bleak maybe I'll try it on the weekend maybe I'll try it on the weekend, it's all fine maybe I'll try it on the weekend, it's all fine stuck my head in the dryer and my feet in the snow take a month to settle down and a minute to go wait a week to a year just to try it again I'll see you in paradise when the world ends stuck my head in the dryer and my feet in the snow take a month to settle down and a minute to go wait a week to a year just to try it again I'll see you in paradise when the world ends. we'd ride bikes at night, i didn't want to come home I was bummed when they stole your bike, i'd have to ride alone we'd ride bikes at night, i didn't want to come home I was bummed when they stole your bike, i'd have to ride alone

you were in my science class in middle school, we'd sit next to each other from time to time and exchange a word or two. we were both awkward and didn't really fit into a group so we had this in common. i remember that science teacher had this weird cartoony face and sometimes she would really piss everyone off. one time in class you wrote a letter to the cheetos corporation requesting that every bag of chips should come with a pair of gloves. it was weird and funny and made me laugh and for some reason I remember that moment. and in high school you were in humanities with me, that class was ridiculous and sometimes crazy. we started talking more and i asked if you wanted to go to a rave, you shrugged and said why not. i liked your attitude and we started to talk a lot. we'd take ecstasy and ketamine and i remember one time tripping at my parents house on lsd. we were out of our minds and you were acting hilarious. i think i still have quotes you said written down from that night. confused laying on the floor, i will always cherish that time. one time I cried my ass off in your backseat; you didn't judge me or mind. you are a rare kind of person, and I knew then we'd be friends for a long time. we were both alienated youth, trying our best to be free. I can't speak for you, but your presence always reassured me. we'd drive hours and hours just to go to these all night parties, we'd be driving home at 7 am and us two would be the only ones up in the car. staring out the glass into the air, listening to mike skinner trying to find some sense in the insanity of our lives. one time i drank a forty and puked out the side of your car as you were driving, it was ridiculous but you just laughed it off, you didn't get mad at all. one time you ate those dirty pills and you were just sitting in the corner staring at the wall grinding your jaw, it freaked me out but in a few hours you were fine. we went to a leftover crack show one time and snuck in because it was sold out. the lead guy was acting like a drunk asshole so we left. and that one time you played at our favorite club in Boston, it was awesome seeing you up there where you belonged. I've been moving around a lot the past few years; I don't see you much anymore. but everytime I see you we pick up right where we left off before. I remember leaving New Hampshire last year I texted you saying sorry i didn't get to see you before I left. you texted me back saying we didn't need some kind of special "goodbye moment" and this made me smile and laugh. we go on hikes together now when we can and everytime is great. I love hearing your opinion on politics and social issues and it always impresses me how much you know about all that stuff. we can talk about music for hours, you're always showing me something I need to hear. you've been working on music too and it always impresses me. it's not the type of stuff I usually listen to but I know the effort you put into it is huge and the finished product always sounds great. you're going to school now for sound down at SCAD and chasing your dreams as best you can.. seeing how you've progressed since we were teens is amazing and I am proud to say that you are my friend.

sitting on the couch again I feel sick and stupid wasted time on my phone for an hour I live in an empty home with an empty smile I haven't called my parents in two months I don't even know my sister or brother I put up walls to hide behind nobody really knows me the kids make me feel okay sometimes I can feed off their energy but I am worried for their futures some are falling apart right in front of me I don't want to get old I know time is running out I can't fight or compete I will probably fall apart